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Quotes about smoking

After a truly good meal, an outstanding cigar is still the most satisfying after-dinner activity that doesn't involve two human beings. ~ Brad Shaw
 
A good cigar is as great a comfort to a man as a good cry to a woman. ~ Bulwer-Lytton, E. G.
 
A cigar has "...a fire at one end and a fool at the other." ~ Horace Greely
 
A cigarette is the perfect type of a perfect pleasure.  It is exquisite, and it leaves one unsatisfied.  What more can one want?  ~ Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray
 
A woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke.  ~ Rudyard Kipling, The Betrothed
 
Before the first World War women were arrested for smoking cigarettes in public, for using profanity, for appearing on beaches without stockings, for driving automobiles without a man beside them, for wearing outlandish attire (for example, shorts) ~ Geoffrey Perrett
 
But when I don't smoke I scarcely feel as if I'm living. I don't feel as if I'm living unless I'm killing myself. ~ Russell Hoban
 
Cigarette sales would drop to zero overnight if the warning said "CIGARETTES CONTAIN FAT." ~ Dave Barry
 
Cigarette companies market heavily to young people. They need young customers because their product kills the older ones. It is the only product that, if used as intended, kills the consumer. ~ George Carlin(When will Jesus bring the Porkchops?)
 
"Chandler: Hey, you know, I have had it with you guys and your "cancer" and your "emphysema" and your "heart disease." The bottom line is smoking is cool and you know it."  ~ Friends quotes (American television situation comedy.)
 
 
Chandler: "I'm smoking, I'm smoking, I'm smoking."
Phoebe: "I can't believe you, you've been so good for three years! "
Chandler: "And this is my reward!"
Ross: "Hold on just a second, think about what you went through the last time you stopped."
Chandler: "Ok! So this time I won't quit!" ~ Friends quotes (American television situation comedy.)
 
Eating and sleeping are the only activities that should be allowed to interrupt a man's enjoyment of his cigar. ~ Mark Twain
 
For the first time in history, sex is more dangerous than the cigarette afterward.  ~ Jay Leno
 
Good food, good sex, good digestion, good sleep:  to these basic animal pleasures, man has added nothing but the good cigarette.  ~ Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966
 
I'm glad I don't have to explain to a man from Mars why each day I set fire to dozens of little pieces of paper, and put them in my mouth.  ~ Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966
 
I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself. ~  Johnny Carson
 
I promised myself that if ever I had some money that I would savor a cigar each day after lunch and dinner. This is the only resolution of my youth that I have kept, and the only realized ambition which has not brought disillusion. ~ Somerset Maugham
 
I have made it a rule never to smoke more than one cigar at a time. ~ Mark Twain
 
I thought I couldn't afford to take her out and smoke as well. So I gave up cigarettes. Then I took her out and one day I looked at her and thought: "Oh well," and I went back to smoking again, and that was better." ~ Benny Hill
 
I phoned my dad to tell him I had stopped smoking. He called me a quitter. ~ Steven Pearl
 
Is the noble Lord aware that, at the age of 80, there are very few pleasures left to me, but one of them is passive smoking? ~ Baroness Trumpington, former Tory minister and ex-smoker, in the House of Lords, 01 July 2003


If I paid ten dollars for a cigar, first I'd make love to it, then I'd smoke it. ~ George Burns
 
If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer. ~ Clement Freud
 
It would be a service to mankind if the pill were available in slot machines and the
cigarette were placed on prescription. ~ Malcolm Potts, MD
 
If I cannot smoke in heaven, then I shall not go. ~ Mark Twain
 
If you eliminate smoking and gambling, you will be amazed to find that almost all an Englishman's pleasures can be, and mostly are, shared by his dog. ~ George Bernard Shaw


If an addict who has been completely cured starts smoking again he no longer experiences the discomfort of his first addiction. There exists, therefore, outside alkaloids and habit, a sense for opium, an intangible habit which lives on, despite the recasting of the organism. The dead drug leaves a ghost behind. At certain hours it haunts the house. ~ Jean Cocteau quotes
 
I am sure there are many things better than a good cigar, but right now, I can't think of what they might be. ~ Richard Carleton
 
'I DON'T know why I did it, I don't know why I enjoyed it, and I don't know why I'll do it again.' ~ Bart Simpson, The Simpsons
 
I DON'T smoke anymore, except on National No Smoking Day as a protest against [those] who want to control our lives. ~ Journalist and broadcaster Richard Littlejohn, The Sun, March 1998
 
I have made it a rule never to smoke more than one cigar at a time..
~ Mark Twain, (1835-1910)
 
I have every sympathy with the American who was so horrified by what he had read about the effects of smoking that he gave up reading.
 
I tried to stop smoking cigarettes by telling myself I just didn't want to smoke, but I didn't believe myself. ~ Barbara Kelly, Source : seen on the web.
 
I used to smoke two packs a day and I just hate being a nonsmoker.... but I will never consider myself a nonsmoker because I always find smokers the most interesting people at the table.  ~ Michelle Pfeiffer


If your wife doesn't like the aroma of your cigar, change your wife. ~ Zino Davidoff
 
My rule of life prescribed as an absolutely sacred rite smoking cigars and also the drinking of alcohol before, after and if need be during all meals and in the intervals between them. ~ Winston Churchill
 
MY INSPIRATION has always been Jeanne Calment, a Frenchwoman who smoked and drank every day and died a few years ago at the age of 122. When asked the secret of her longevity, she replied: 'I laugh a lot.' Well you would, wouldn't you. ~ Victoria Coren, London Evening Standard, 18 November, 2002
 
MY DOCTOR phoned and said you don't deserve this news, but your lungs are crystal clear'. ~ Chainsmoker' Nicky Haslam, 63, tells Deborah Ross the good news, Independent, 14 October 2002
 
Nicotine patches are great.  Stick one over each eye and you can't find your cigarettes.  ~ Author Unknown
 
Now the only thing I miss about sex is the cigarette afterward.  Next to the first one in the morning, it's the best one of all.  It tasted so good that even if I had been frigid I would have pretended otherwise just to be able to smoke it.  ~ Florence King


Perfection is such a nuisance that I often regret having cured myself of using tobacco. ~ Emile Zola
 
People always come up to me and say that my smoking is bothering them... Well, it's killing me! ~ Wendy Liebman
 
Recycling and speed limits are bullshit, they're like someone who quits smoking on his deathbed. ~ Chuck Palahniuk
 
"Sean (while ice-skating with Carrie): I'm guessing it's easier to balance when you're not smoking.

Carrie: Smoking is the only thing that keeps me balanced."  
~Sex and the City  (American TV series. Starring Sarah Jessica Parker)
 
Sublime tobacco!
Divine in hookas, glorious in a pipe,
When tipp'd with amber, mellow, rich, and ripe;
Like other charmers, wooding the caress
More dazzlingly when daring in full dress.
Yet thy true lovers more admire, by far,
Thy naked beauties--give me a cigar!
...from The Island, Canto II, by Lord Byron
Smoking is indispensable if one has nothing to kiss. ~ Sigmund Freud
Smoking is very bad for you and should only be done because it looks so good.
People who don't smoke have a terrible time finding something polite to do with their lips.
~ P.J. O'Rourke, Modern Manners, 1983, Source:The International Thesaurus of Quotations
 
The cigarette is a portable therapist.  ~ The Quote Garden

There are some circles in America where it seems to be more socially acceptable to carry a hand-gun than a packet of cigarettes. ~ Katharine Whitehorn
 
They threaten me with lung cancer, and still I smoke and smoke.  If they'd only threaten me with hard work, I might stop.  ~ Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966
 
They smoke cigarettes professionally. The smoke is inhaled very sharply and the teeth are bared. Then the head turns to give you a profile and the smoke is exhaled slowly and deliberately and the grey jet stream becomes a beautiful blue cloud of smoke.
What are they trying to tell us? ~ Jeffrey Bernard, Spectator, 1982, Source: The International Thesaurus of Quotations
 
The end of a good smoke is a little saddening. In some regard, it's a bit like losing a best friend who had time to sit and listen. ~ ZenWarrior
 
There was a young man of Herne Bay
who was making some fireworks one day:
but he dropped his cigar
in the gunpowder jar.
There was a young man of Herne Bay.

~ Ogden Nash
 
There's peace in a Larranaga, there's calm in a Henry Clay,
And a woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke.
~ Rudyard Kipling
 
Thank heaven, I have given up smoking again!... God! I feel fit.  Homicidal, but fit.  A different man.  Irritable, moody, depressed, rude, nervy, perhaps; but the lungs are fine.  ~ A.P. Herbert
 
There's a lot of people who, a cigarette is about the only vacation they have.  ~ Trey Parker, mini-commentary on DVD South Park episode "Butt Out"
 
To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did, I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times. ~ Mark Twain
 
To smoke is human; to smoke cigars is divine. ~ Anon
 
Tobacco is a dirty weed.  I like it.
It satisfies no normal need.  I like it.
It makes you thin, it makes you lean,
It takes the hair right off your bean
It's the worst darn stuff I've ever seen.
I like it.
~ Graham Lee Hemminger, Tobacco
 
To smoke or not to smoke:  I can make of either a life-work.  ~ Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960
 
Tobacco and alcohol, delicious fathers of abiding friendships and fertile reveries.  ~ Luis Buñuel
 
Watching the smoke dance out of a cigarette is like watching a girl dance out of her dress.  ~ D.H. Mondfleur
 
What a weird thing smoking is and I can't stop it.  I feel cosy, have a sense of well-being when I'm smoking, poisoning myself, killing myself slowly.  Not so slowly maybe.  I have all kinds of pains I don't want to know about and I know that's what they're from.  But when I don't smoke I scarcely feel as if I'm living.  I don't feel as if I'm living unless I'm killing myself.  ~ Russell Hoban, Turtle Diary, 1975
 
Yes, social friend, I love thee well,
In learned doctor's spite;
Thy clouds all other clouds dispel
And lap me in delight.
~ Charles Sprague, "To My Cigar"
 
You can't be as old as I am without waking up with a surprised look on your face every morning: 'Holy Christ, whaddya know - I'm still around!' It's absolutely amazing that I survived all the booze and smoking and the cars and the career. ~ Paul Newman

A good cigar is like a beautiful chick with a great body who also knows the American League box scores.  ~ M*A*S*H, Klinger, "Bug-Out," 1976

 
 
     
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